Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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