So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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