You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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