he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
