I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you have to choose: penises or morals?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
