the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
