Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
