Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
