I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
