Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
