we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
