i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
