I'm lost and stupid without you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
