Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
