Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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