I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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