we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
