I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
