Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
