butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
