wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
