Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sponge bath it is.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
