im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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