omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
