If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This girl is more easily done than said...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
