I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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