i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You have to summon your inner elephant
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
