you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
