My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
