I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
