Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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