never play flip cup with pint glasses
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
