She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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