Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
