Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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