i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
