You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
