First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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