Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
