i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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