I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
