every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
