I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Couch. On fire.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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