I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just pee around me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
