I skipped work to stalk him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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