You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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