Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
