I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
