I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
