glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Someone came in the potted fern
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
