Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
