I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
