oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
