So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
